Finding the Time

When will I find the time to write? I have so much to write about and no time to do it. It is 8:25 on a Sunday night and I should be going to bed soon because I have no idea what time my baby will wake up at. There were two nights in a row last week where he slept the entire night. It was so nice and I felt very spoiled. He hasn't done it again since. Mommy needs to get some sleep because my grouchiness is starting to get to me. I will write as soon as I can. I NEED to write. Today was a not so good day. I will be calling my neurologist tomorrow to talk about the way I've been feeling emotionally. I don't like it. Good night.

Thank-you Weebs for this award!

Friends

I have such a wonderful bunch of friends and I am so thankful for them. Tonight I have a friend coming over to watch my husband give me my shot (I can't reach the spot.) because my husband will not be home the next night the shot needs to go in this area. I am so thankful to have this friend who is willing to do this for me. She is a wonderful friend. I chose her because she only lives 3 miles away and she has given an uncle insulin shots before. I feel much better having a friend do this who has done things with needles before. It just makes me really sad to have to have her to this to me. I know she doesn't mind it's just really hard for me. I have already cried to my husband about this. I am so thankful for him too.

New topic: My baby could do me the favor of sleeping better at night. I am getting so tired and getting up at 5 or 5:30 in the morning and staying up is killing me. I am getting really tired and exhausted. I wish he knew that on my shots nights I really would like to get a good nights sleep. I try telling him but he doesn't listen. I tell him mommy would be a lot more fun the next day if she got a better nights sleep. I'm also feeling dizzy and light headed but I will blame this on the tiredness and not the MS.

I was really frustrated today because I was feeling very tired and overwhelmed. I was just wishing someone could come sit and play with Asa for an hour while I did chores around the house. When my house is dirty I tend to get grumpy. So, I called my mom who has Wed. and Fri. off and asked for help. She couldn't come because she a list of chores to do herself. I was so proud that I called and asked for help but so disappointed she couldn't help. (There is so much more to this story.) Her solution was to put my baby in his pack and play and do chores. No thanks. Grrr.

I still haven't called my neurologist about my feelings of sadness and anger. The days just seem to slip away. I want to make sure if it's the side effects of Rebif or just my feelings of being overwhelmed.

Phone call

So, my midwife called me back and she said my grumpiness isn't related to postpartum. I'm not sure where to go or what to do now. I might call my neurologist. The grumpiness I felt today was so intense. I hate that I feel this way and I can't even control it. It's just so hard to explain.

No call

Still no call back from my midwife. I'm guessing that if she got the message that I called and why I called I must not be much to worry about. I'm a bit busy with life so I'll have to write another day.

My sister

First, I need to say my midwife hasn't called me back yet. If she does now (6:30 pm) I probably won't answer since I've had a few glasses of wine and would not be able to explain myself the best I'd like to.

Anyhow, let me start by saying that my sister lives 8 hours away from me. I don't see her that often. Since my MS diagnosis and my new baby we have become closer than ever. She was a huge help during the birth of my son and she probably never knew she would get to see so much of her sister that day. My sister is my best friend. I see her as more of my best friend than my sister. She is the first person I would call for anything (even over my parents). She calls me every morning when she is driving to work. We only talk for about 5 min. but I look forward to her call each morning. She also works at a computer all day so I can send her an email and usually get an immediate response. Well, she is away on a trip this week and none of these things are happening. She didn't call this morning (because she was flying) and I didn't send any emails to her or did I get any from her. I have to say it was a stinky day and something was really missing. I miss my sister so much and wished we lived closer (I could do a 2-3 hour drive.) She lives in Portland, ME and is extremely happy with the life she has there. If she is happy I am happy for her. She loves her husband, dogs, cats, job (not too many people even like their job), new apartment, she's making new friends, and the ocean. She needs to stay there and I know this. Maine is home for her. If she were to move back this way I know she would not be happy. I just miss her. I know my husband and I aren't completely settled (even though we bought a new home only 2 years ago and hate it) but I don't know if we'd ever go that far away. I just wish my sister and I could see each other more often. She came to visit over the summer and stayed with my husband and I. She usually stays with my parents but wanted to stay with us so she could get as much of baby Asa as possible. It was great for her to see what we do each day. We had such a nice time together but I think that trip made me miss her more. She is planning to come for another visit sometime in January and I am SO happy. I can't wait to see her. I just wish we could run together or enjoy a glass of wine. Even though the visits are so far apart we treasure every minute we have with her.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sorry to ramble. I hope this all makes sense. Mama needed some wine tonight.

Grumpy Update

I called the MS Lifeline people and told them how I was feeling. The nurse suggested I start by calling my midwife. He thought maybe it could be some post pardon issues. I called my midwife and am just waiting to hear back from her. I have errands to run and I'm sure she'll call when I am not home. She is really hard to get in touch with. I'll be sure to let you know how things turn out.

GRUMPY

I think I've written about this before but I need to vent and this is where I do that. I hate the way I am feeling now. I am so grumpy. I also just can't control the grumpiness and it just feels awful inside. Everything seems to bother me and nothing seems right. I feel like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it (even though I am a stay at home mom). My house isn't clean (up to my standards) and that makes me a bit crazy. I NEED to exercise and it's just not happening. Exercise seriously is my medicine. I feel so great after doing it. My husband is extremely busy so I can't really workout because he would need to watch the baby while I do that and then shower. I am going to call a doctor tomorrow about these grumpy, angry feelings. I don't know if I need to call my neurologist or my mid-wife. I could even start by calling the MS Lifeline people. They are really helpful and they might know who I should talk to. I don't think these feelings are a side effect of Rebif but who knows.

It's hard

I am having a hard time facing the realization that I have MS. I am very blessed to not be having any symptoms right now (I'll be getting my blurry vision checked soon.) but that is what makes it hard for me to understand that there is something wrong. I have mentioned it before but I really hate Monday, Wednesday and Friday's because of my shots. It's just such a strong reminder that I am not normal. I pray that these shots do what they are suppose to. I pray that I will always be as physically strong as I am now or stronger. I pray that I will mentally be okay. I pray that someday there will be a miracle and when I get my MRI I will be that miracle patient whose MS has just vanished.