I've been thinking a lot lately and wondering what happened to me. I am a mommy of a 6 1/2 month old who I love with all my heart. He is such an amazing little boy. Since having him though I feel like everything I used to enjoy doing I no longer have time to do. Here are some of the things I miss and wonder if I'll ever get to do again: My husband and I used to go to open mic nights together (he played guitar and I sang). I really enjoyed singing and it made me feel good. I also used to workout for about 2 hours a day. I worked 4 hours a week at the local gym so I could workout there for free. I paid to have a personal trainer once a week who would kick my ass and I loved it. I miss the body I once had. I know everything distributes differently after having a baby but I looked good and felt good too. Okay-so there's only two things I really miss but I miss them A LOT. I also think that taking off a year from teaching is making me rethink who I am. I am starting to miss making money- A LOT! I like to shop and now I can't do it b/c we have lost a whole income. It is for a good reason (to raise my son) and I know I will never regret it. I might even do it for my 2nd child (If I decide to have any more.) I've been a teacher since 1999 and am starting to wonder if that is really how I want to spend the rest of my working life. It's a freakin' hard job. I visit job websites frequently and wonder what do I want to be when I grow up? I think I would love it if my husband made a whole bunch of money and I could work in a little coffee shop. I would love a job that is 9-5 or 8-4 which requires no outside work. A job that have very little stress. Teaching is so time consuming (if you do a good job). I would also really like to find a job where I get summers off and I'd like to make no less money than I was. This is a tough order I know. I might have to sacrifice something here I know. I was actually thinking of talking to my principal and seeing if there where any other positions (so I could get out of the classroom) opening like maybe an AIS position. I was even going to try to think of a new position to create. Anyone have any ideas of what I could do once I need to go back to work? I looked online last night trying to find jobs I could do from home. It's hard being a grown up. It sucks that we need to make money.
About Me
- Heather
- I am a mother of an 28 month old boy, Asa (My picture really needs updating). I am a wife of 8 amazing years. My husband is the love of my life. I am an older sister. My sister is my best friend. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am strong yet weak. I am my own worst critic. I love (in no particular order) cuddling, no bake cookies, brownies, wine, live music, singing, dancing, people watching, spending time with friends, talking to my sister each morning, hearing Asa laugh, watching the sunset, working out, reading and drinking lattes.
2 comments:
God, I remember struggling with these questions. I remember how hard it was to incorporate being someone's mother into my sense of self. And wondering if I would ever figure out how to be all those people at one time: the mom, the employee, the sister, the music lover, the book worm, the wife. To have to find your new identity as a mom, and a person with a degenerative disease at the same time seems unfair to me. Your burden is too heavy, and you have my understanding if you collapse under it from time to time.
However, I hope you'll have enough faith to believe me if I tell you that you don't have to figure these things out all at once. Some of them will take care of themselves as choices are made and opportunities present themselves. I would never waste my time trying to convince you not to worry; it's part of your burden as a mother. But try to believe that if you take things one at a time, each "thing" will get the best you can offer.
You are so right about teaching. I feel the same way many, many times. What else could I do that wouldn't leave me exhausted and working nights and weekends at home?
Sigh, good luck.
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